The New Normal of My Mother’s Day

The New Normal of My Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is almost here. I’m happy and sad all wrapped into one, with sprinkles of mad on top.

It’s been two years since I lost my mother. It’s been two years since I saw her and could talk to her. I have learned so much about myself in those two years … and I can’t tell her. Well, I can. I talk to her nearly every day. I sort of throw conversations out to the universe and pretend that she is sitting next to me, nodding and chuckling along.

I tell her that I miss her, I love her and I am sorry.

I miss talking to her, texting her and tagging her in weird memes I saw on Facebook. I want to tell her all about how Dad is doing, so I do. When I am alone, I talk. Dad is ok, I tell her, he’s even drinking more water. I say, I’m working on a project with him and spending all this time with him has made the both of us happy, though, we are very tired.

I tell her how the boys are doing. Hank has really flourished in his new life, I explain, he has calmed and finds peace in his every day and brings it to me, too. Dave is one hell of a young man, he’s on his self-made path that will take him into a successful adulthood.

I want to tell her that I am sorry. I had been in a relationship where there was not a lot of sense of control. I want to tell her that I left. That I removed the toxicity and have started to heal the relationships with those who truly love me. I’m sorry that I allowed for someone to put up walls between us. I want to tell her I am proud of myself and know that she is, too.

As I started a rewrite of my book this year, I realized I am writing this new version of 10 Little Rules of Hank to her. I know if she was here, she’d be the first person to read it, as she was when I released the first version. She was the biggest supporter of my writing, in fact, she has always been a supporter to anything that I did.

She believed in me.

I know she would be pleased to know I have been going into more detail, with more resources to help others – branching out from just writing for myself as I did for the first version. I want to embody her approach to nurture others through comfort and love. I will be more like her in this second phase of my life.

From my new dedication:

My mom was a Finn through and through. Many of my strengths, along with the courage to just say, “Fuck it, I’m doing it,” came from watching her navigate through life. She and I had a bond where I was careful what I thought about around her, because you better believe, she could hear it…

Momala, I’m sorry, but I did swear in print… Love you.

Miss you.

Click here to preorder a copy of Wendy’s Revised 10 Little Rules of Hank.