That soundtrack is in my head …

“I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy, I’m not worthy.”

I don’t think twice about doing for others, helping others, building up others. But somehow when I need to fill my cup up, I feel like I’m a burden … other people have their own lives, right? They don’t need to have to deal with all my mess. It’s not their job to make me feel better.

Today the love of my life moved the last of his belongings from my home because his “lifestyle” was more important than our marriage. So here I am once again sitting (COVID strangled, actually) with the utter feeling of hollowness. It would be easy to crawl back into my pjs and into my bed to numb my mind with senseless TV shows but I knew …

We hear our self talk reiterating all the woes and worries but sometimes we have to put a muzzle on that long enough to listen to our truth. I knew my bed was not going to nourish my soul. I knew what I needed! Now just to muster up the courage and strength. I put on my game face and tightened my pony tail!

Rule #6 in my book 10 Little Rules for Finding Your Truth kept speaking to me … Replenish!! 

So I grabbed my keys and my favorite bubble mate and we visited a new produce stand, my daughter and I having a sing-along in the car. I filled my kitchen with fresh fruits and veggies. Then I leisurely washed my car. Then I put my hands in the dirt. I dug up discarded plants from a neighbor (ones I couldn’t normally afford) and I reverently placed them in my bare yard, filling my life with color. Kitchen? Check! Backyard? Check!

I planted some of these flowers for my new neighbors so they can enjoy the beauty! They trade with me dinners I would never take the time to cook. I pass along more of these plants to other appreciative friends who in turn shower me with baked goodies. Belly? Check!

My life is so full even on the most heartbreaking of days because I know what I need to refill my cup and I now understand …

I AM WORTHY!

I give 

and fill others up 

and it is absolutely ok to allow others to replenish me. 

Somehow it’s not a burden to others. And its weird how they always do exactly when I need it most. In turn, they fill their cups by helping me, just as I do others. It’s a never-ending cycle of give and take and love and support.

Whether it is in human, plant, animal or food form. 

Find what makes your soul happy and do more of that!!

Your favorite pjs and binge watching is for PERFECT days …

NOT the stormy ones.